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Tips on Encouraging a Wrestler during a Losing Season — 2 Comments

  1. Hi my son is 14 yrs old and just started high school. He has not even remotely been interested in any sport since 4th grade. He played baseball until then. This year he wanted to try wrestling. He made the team at school. He has never played wrestling. Which we knew he would not be that good this year because, he has never done it and he had to learn everything. His father and I have been divorced since he was 9. Well, he eats, sleeps and breathes wrestling. He is on JV however, they use him also in Varsity too. Well, he has had an issue that I would like to ask everyone on advice about. He was bullied all through school until 8th grade. His dad moved last year at the end of 8th grade to a better school district. Well, he isn’t being bullied anymore. When wrestling he tends to get an attitude with the referee and, then is so mad it is ridiculous. For an example:

    He had JV state championship this past Saturday. He was projected by his coach to place 1st or 2nd. We have seen a huge improvement since he started. Well, during the match he had his opponent pinned for 3 seconds and, the ref did not call it he just said break. Well, my son I’m sure he had a smart attitude said to the ref “I pinned him”. Well, the ref got very mad and I could tell he was mad. He said something to my son then went over to the score table and was saying something and his coach was there too. The next thing I knew the match was starting back up. Well, he got pinned and lost the match. Which meant now he only had a chance at 3rd or 4th. Well, my son was heated and shook hands then took off. His coach stopped me and explained he hated to dicipline my son. However, he had no choice. The ref took a point away and the coach put him on bottom when it resumed. My son had a good chance to beat him. So, then we get to the next match. He is saying the whole time before the match that he is going to get beat and, he is no good. He sucks at wrestling. Of course his dad and I try and explain that it’s ok we were proud of him. I also told him he needed to be more positive. Instead of saying he can’t beat his opponent. He need to syke himself to where he says he can beat him when he goes in the ring. Well, he did really well, but, the opponent was choking him and my son was slapping the boy on the back with both hands. Well, the ref never stopped the match then I’m son just gave up because he couldn’t breath. Well, he was hurt in his ribs also. After he recovered then he started losing his cool. Walked outside started hitting himself in the head. Saying he sucks. Then hiding under his hoodie and crying. He is so critical of himself. We kept telling him he did really good and there was no sense in getting that upset. Well, then his dad and I had an argument because, my son wanted a shirt with his pin on it. Well, his dad told him no because he was not going to reward his behavior. Well, I pulled his dad aside and told him that was not right. He was dicipline day the ref then the coach so, us punishing him was too much. Plus, his shirts are his goal to keep him going.

    So, how should we handle these situations correctly with our son?
    We do not know where his anger comes from at all, his dad and I never argue or anything around him and never have. It has been since 2011 when we separated. However, his father is a workaholic and he has his old gf back.

    Our son loves wrestling but, how can we help him with his attitude and temper? Plus, the bad criticism and low self esteem? I buy him things for wrestling and to get him caught up on the beginning parts of wrestling plus, look up websites for him to read..

    Could I please get some help, advice on how to handle this with my son. It is like he is super competitive and, he can not stand to lose at all.. He wi not accept losing..

    • Andrea: I’ve re-read your comment several times. I am not a counselor or an expert with situations like this, so please keep that in mind. Your son is in a tough situation. I really feel for him. Based on your comment, I don’t think wrestling is what’s making him so mad. Being 14 years old is hard enough. Add bullying and divorce and I can understand some of his behavior. I would keep supporting him in wrestling. Stay positive. I would strongly suggest a family counselor. Your boy really needs is father. I don’t know your situation, but if the father doesn’t spend time with him, then you should talk to the father. If the father won’t step up, then talk to his uncles and grandpas. If all else fails, you will need to fill the role of father. This is a tough situation and I wish I could give you a better answer. Hopefully others in the wrestling community can give you a good answer.

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